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g33k Laws & Lists: Murphy's Laws

  • If anything can go wrong, it will.
  • If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  • If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  • If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  • Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
  • Mother nature is a bitch.
  • Things get worse under pressure.
  • Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
  • Everything goes wrong all at once.
  • Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
  • Enough research will tend to support whatever theory you can come up with.
  • Research supports a specific theory depending on the amount of funds dedicated to it.
  • In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.
  • It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  • Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
  • Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
    Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
  • Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  • Everything takes longer than you think.
  • Everything takes longer than it takes.
  • If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
  • Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
  • Every solution breeds new problems.
  • The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
  • No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.
  • You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
  • The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
  • A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
  • A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
  • A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried).
  • A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot).
  • If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process.
  • A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running.
  • If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground.
  • If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
  • The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
  • You will always find something in the last place you look.
  • If your looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.
  • It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
  • After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
  • You have to look where you lost it.
  • No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
  • The other line always moves faster.
  • In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
  • Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
  • If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.
  • If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
  • When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
  • Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
  • Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
  • In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
  • There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
  • When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
  • Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
  • Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.
  • A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
  • In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
  • Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
  • Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
  • No good deed goes unpunished.
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
  • If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.
  • If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
  • When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.
  • Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.
  • Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
  • If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.
  • He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger.
  • Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.
  • Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.
  • The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.
  • No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
    (getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)
  • The fish are always biting....yesterday!
  • You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time.
  • The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.
  • Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.
  • The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks.
  • When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
  • Being dead right, won't make you any less dead.
  • Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.
  • Whatever you want to do, is not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.
  • Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be.
  • The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is.
  • The probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions.
  • A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation.
  • If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable.
  • If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation.
  • Murphy's Law Current Revision
    Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong!
    You just haven't been notified.
  • The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..."
  • If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time.
  • Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
  • If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done.
  • Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.
  • No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts.
    Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed.
  • Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.
  • Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.
  • The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet.
  • Cheer up, the worst is yet to come...
  • If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
  • If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer.
  • When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does.
  • Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.
    Think about it, complete the circle.
  • It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again.
  • The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds,
    the pessimist fears this is true.
  • You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it.
  • Anyone who isn't paranoid simply isn't paying attention.
  • The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.
  • No matter how hard you try, every once in a while, something is going right.
  • Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way.
  • When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be found.  When you don't need it, its either available, or lays around in plain sight.
  • The file you are looking for is always at the bottom of the largest pile.
  • Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
  • Common Sense Is Not So Common
  • Power Is Taken... Not Given
  • Two wrongs don't make a right. It usually takes three or four.
  • Every rule has an exception except the Rule of Exceptions.
  • If your action has a 50% possibility of being correct, you will be wrong 75% of the time.
  • If you plan for something to go wrong, and it doesn't go wrong, it would have been ultimately profitable for it to go wrong.
  • The difference between Stupidity and Genius is that Genius has its limits.
  • Those who don't take decisions never make mistakes.
  • Anything that seems right, is putting you into a false sense of security.
  • If everything seems great, its already gone wrong.
  • The only time you're right, is when its about being wrong.
  • The only times something's right, is when everyone agrees its wrong.
  • Its never so bad it couldn't be worse.
  • If for some reason Murphy's Law fails to operate, it is building up for something big.
  • The probability that something can go wrong is directly proportional to the square of the amount of inconvenience it can cause you
  • The more important it is to get to a website, the greater the chance the server is down.
  • Remember:
    Shit happens
  • The road to success is always under construction.